The Contradictory Messages Sent To Black LGBT People: Why the “Gay Deliverance” Video Isn’t Funny

In the past 48 hours, social media has been in overdrive circulating this video(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeykDZnZa3M) where a young man attending a Church of God In Christ convention proclaimed that he had been “delivered” from being gay. When I first saw it, I won’t lie to you. I thought it was some type of satirical sketch. I soon realized that it was not the case. He was DEAD serious. Anyone who knows me either online or off knows how ridiculous and anti-science I find the notion that one can be “healed” from their sexual orientation is. Moreover, this video was quite outlandish. However, when I thought past the yelling and repetition of “Women! Women! Womens!”, I realized that it was not funny at all. I actually feel a great deal of pain and sympathy for the young man(whose name I JUST found out is Andrew Caldwell) .  Something that I have found quite interesting throughout the entire situation is that many of the same people who spewed vitriol when President Obama announced his support for marriage equality and/or when Micheal Sam and Jason Collins made history as the 1st openly gay athletes in their respective leagues and who have repeatedly referred to being gay as a “sin” are now clowning Andrew for doing exactly what they STAY saying all same gender loving individuals should do.

Since I graduated high school, I have been unabashedly , irrevocably out of the proverbial closet. I make absolutely no bones about the fact that I am sexually and romantically attracted to men. I don’t think it is a sin or any type of weird birth defect. I am who I am. Period. In addition to that, in the almost ten years(Damn, I’m getting old.) that I have lived as openly gay male, I have been quite outspoken about homophobia in the black community and in American society in general. As a result, I have often been accused of “flaunting” my sexual orientation or attempting to “force my lifestyle” onto others(Because, ya know, refusal to accept abuse and dehumanization is the same thing as forcing a lifestyle onto someone.)  To many people, the desire of a queer person to live in our truth without being marginalized is the same thing as infringing upon the rights of every single cisgender, heterosexual person on Earth.  That being said, you would think that people of this mindset would be appreciative of those who choose to be “discrete”. NOPE.

Many of the same people that I have witnessed acting like the world was ending because there was a gay kiss on TV or a gay athlete came out publicly have also participated in the shaming of gay and lesbian individuals who have chosen to live their lives privately and/or try to conform to heteronormative conventions. Over the passed decade, the “downlow” phenomenon has taken on a life of its own in the African American community thanks to books like “On The Downlow” by JL King and a number of TV specials and think pieces on the subject.  With the rise of HIV among African American women, many attributed that fact to men who have sex with both men and women though no data exists to show that correlation. As a result of this fear mongering, being a “DL brotha” became one of the worst things that you could be within the black community. Now don’t get me wrong. I think it is completely unfair to enter into a relationship with a person and be living a secret life that would likely change his/her mind about being with you. I feel terrible for any woman who finds out that her boyfriend or husband is gay and using her as a cover. (Contrary to popular belief, however, there are women who knowingly date bisexual men and are fine with it.) However, I think that anyone interested in dismantling the downlow must also be interested in dismantling the factors–Judeo Christian ideology, patriarchy, expectation of hypermasculinity/hyperheterosexuality from black males etc–that cause it.

Also interesting is the fact that one does not even have to be in a deceptive relationship   for people to feel that they are entitled to information about him or her being sexually involved with members of the same sex. A prime example of this is the situation New York’s Hot 97 DJ Mister Cee. When it was revealed by a trans woman that the two of them had been sexually involved(which I don’t think makes him gay), a number of people “thanked” her via social media for “exposing” Mister Cee even though there was no evidence of him being in a relationship with a cisgender woman. Even though Mr. Cee is a single adult, people still felt like they were entitled to knowledge about his private sex life for the purpose of condemning him. (And they can say its about prostitution all they want but with Rick Ross routinely reaching the top of the charts talking about drug dealing, please spare the respect for the law bit.)  Personally, I know several individuals who are gay and lesbian who choose–often times for professional and family reasons–to keep their sexual orientation private yet don’t engage in fraudulent relationships with members of the opposite sex. Yet many people STILL won’t let them live–constantly whispering and trying to dig up information about their sexual and romantic escapades.  Moreover, those people who do claim to have undergone some type of religious “change”–the kind that many members of the black community claim to believe is possible– are often laughed at in the same way that Andrew Caldwell has been and STILL often ostracized within their families, churches and communities.  So one tends to wonder. What does the Black community really want from its LGBT members?

Now I would be lying if I said that a chuckle did not come to my spirit upon initially watching the video of Andrew’s “deliverance”. On the surface, it was very entertaining. However, what people should understand is that the sum total of his situation is not funny at all.  He is deeply conflicted about and uncomfortable with who he is due to years of obvious unhealthy conditioning. For those individuals, who are believers, say a prayer that he find peace. Everyone should try and empathize and TRULY understand what drove him to that point.